Here I was before thinking, “How will I recover from this?” “Will I ever get passed my first love?” “Will I find another?” “He was the love of my life..”

He may have been the first, but he won’t be the last. And I’m okay with that. I have learned, forgiven, and moved on so fast that I still didn’t think it was possible. Maybe I am still heartbroken, but what if I’m not? Does that make me a bad person? Does that mean that I never loved him, truly? I did truly love him, I gave him my everything as he gave me only half. Why do I feel guilty for being happy, I shouldn’t and I know that. I’m guilty that what I told him makes it feel like a lie now. 

“You make me happy” “Without you in my life, things wouldn’t be complete” “You’re my forever” “Forever and Always”

etc.

Now things have come clearer to me. I was young and naive. I had someone when everyone left me. That’s what I was in love with, having someone there for me, not him. And that’s what makes me feel guilty. 

Without him, a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, I can breathe, see, feel, experience. Truly. I have been in love with not being alone and being comforted by someone. Now I am in love with the experience, the life, the living. I have learned to love myself and be dependent on myself. I am no longer in love with being dependent, but with being independent.

Goodbye TF, Hello ME.

Two months ago: Happy, in love, perfect.

One month ago: World falling apart, sad, heartbroken.

Present day: Relieved, reborn, Living.